I’m writing this on Father’s day as I literally don’t want to ever forget this beautiful conversation I just had with my 3 and a half year old son, Louis. I know he can be a little monkey terrorising his brother and not doing what I ask him to do and well just being a cheeky little boy but tonight just summed up the gorgeous boy he has become and still becoming inside and out.

I’ve always explained that Papa C (my Daddy) is in the sky and lives in the clouds and he watches over us all to make sure we are ok. I’m not sure if that’s the right or wrong thing to say, but talking about losing a parent to a small child just doesn’t sit right with me yet. You’ll know from previous posts and various pics that I talk about Papa C most days to the kids. I never want them to forget him even though they have never actually met him. We have a big picture of him above the dining room table and Louis just openly talks about him all the time. I just love it.

Tonight’s conversation went a little like this as I finished reading him his bedtime story:

Louis: “Mummy, why are you sad?” (a few tears I can’t hide, roll down my face as it’s the first chance I’ve had to sit down and think about not seeing my dad today)

Me: “Just because I really miss my Daddy. You are very lucky to have a Daddy like your Daddy”

Louis: “ Is Papa C flying in the clouds tonight?”

 Me: “Yes probably looking down on us all seeing how much fun we had today.”

 Louis: “Can I make you happy Mummy”

Me: “Of course you can and you do already without even trying. I love you so much.”

 Louis: “Me, Daddy and Billy will make you happy and look after you. I’m growing into a big boy and then I can be your daddy so I can look after you like my daddy looks after me” (As you can imagine the tears are really rolling down my face now)

 Louis: “And then Mummy, you will have two Daddy’s…one that’s really funny and that’s me……look (Louis silly dance) I’m really funny see. Does that make you happy?

 Me: “Yes Louis that makes me so happy and I’m so lucky to have you” (Louis now gives me the biggest bear hug ever!)

Louis: “And one that isn’t in the clouds so that I can be here with you, a Louis Papa C”

I honestly don’t know what I would do without this boy in my life. You are one special, thoughtful little chap and I can just see this is the making of you. You’ve got your daddy’s values and general kindness that I know doesn’t always shine through everyday (Louis that is ha ha!) and some may even laugh at this but I know you are going to and already have a heart of gold.

Me: “Love you to the moon and back Louis”

Louis: “Love you to the stars Mummy”

I’ll just leave it right here.

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