How life has changed again since my eldest started school! How is everyone else feeling? I thought I was so ready but I don’t think I was after all. The mummy guilt is setting in.
His first day of School
He was just so excited and so was I. We’d tried his uniform on the day before and knew it fitted and he loved the idea of it all. Although I’m not actually sure he knew what was to come, that he was in a system for the next 12 years minimum. He was going to play with all his mates from both the nurseries he was at. It was going to be so much fun.
I have had massive mummy guilt for my youngest child who is two and was also looking forward to some days with just him as Louis had with me before Billy was born. I felt so guilty. Then I felt mummy guilt that I felt this way, as didn’t want Louis to miss out. More mummy guilt!
Then I realised everything was about to change.
That day, I dropped Billy off first at nursery and then walked Louis to school. I was so so proud of him. I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t welling up like so many other mums (quite rightly so). Maybe it was because I was just so ready for this next move. I also knew he needed the stimulation being one of the eldest in his year, he had outgrown nursery. I was so ready for the next step. Or so I thought. I waved goodbye and he ran off! Not looking back once. That was it my little boy was now a schoolboy. How did that happen? I walked back to the car but started to feel a bit numb.
All of a sudden something happened as I climbed into my empty car. This huge wave of emotion just hit me like a ton of bricks. My little boy was actually going to school. He was actually going to school!! I think I was so busy juggling everything with work and my youngest and well just life, I hadn’t even taken a second to realise what was going on. A bit like when you’re pregnant with your second and the bump gets no attention and you even feel guilty about that! Then you feel guilty that when the babies arrives and how on earth do you have enough time for both! More mummy guilt.
The juggle is real
Even though I’ve chosen a career to raise my kids around building a business. I never seem to get the juggle right, unless someone has some words of wisdom that I don’t know about?
When it got really busy I would work late nights and even be known to put the boys in more days at nursery just to get work done. I felt terrible as I’d chosen this route to have more time. I needed too but that was my choice. Now I don’t have a choice. He has to be at school. Did I waste those days? Would I not have put him in knowing how I felt now?? OMG I felt so much mummy guilt. So I just cried! Yet more guilt!
I’m not for any second saying anyone should feel sorry for me, I know I’m lucky to have a flexible job to work around the children, but I just think being a mum, we feel guilty for so many reasons, but why? All we are trying to be is the best mum we can be, the best worker if working, the best wife and do you know what regardless of our situation we cant get it right ever!
For some reason mummy guilt just follows us around from the second we get that ‘Little Bean’ in our tummy.
But then when I’m with them, I’ve got so much to do and then I feel yet more guilt. Will this mummy guilt ever stop!?
How are you coping with the mummy guilt?
I would really love to know. As I find it a constant struggle! I’m finding the leap of school a bit easier now as we have a routine but still can’t believe my little baby is now a schoolboy. It feels like yesterday he was a baby in my arms.
Something I did do was record my first day of school with him, just with my iPhone too. It’s so easy when you have a phone with you all the time. If you want to find out how to take better pics of your family on your phone then please do download my freebie below:
All of the photographs above are photographs that have been taken by Little Beanies Photography.
Lisa is a Warwickshire based photographer and the founder of Little Beanies Photography. A photography company that specialises in maternity photo shoots, newborn photographs, baby photos and professional family photographs. Little Beanies photographs use natural light to capture the precious moments in life and as a company they pride themselves on creating a fun, natural and relaxed environment where the photographs taken really capture true emotion and unique moments.
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